若想約會成功，一定要增廣自己的見聞，以及多接觸、認識不同的人。而良好的溝通技巧，是認識新朋友的最佳方法。如果缺乏溝通，很難與人建立任何關係。人際關係運用得當，無論順境或逆境，得意或失意，均能夠應對自如。

　　當與異性約會時，應該聊甚麼呢？我認為有兩種話題可在初次約會時聊，一是比較輕鬆和有趣的話題，二是所有正面的話題。

1、輕鬆有趣的話題

　　與異性初次約會，打開話匣子最好的話題，應該由很多人都知而又輕鬆有趣的話題開始，例如時事新聞、旅遊時的所見所聞、本地熱話、頭條新聞；或者聊一些休閒性的話題，例如有甚麼演唱會、電影、舞台劇好看、有甚麼值得推介的餐廳、展覽、嘉年華或體育賽事、你看過的書、做著甚麼慈善公益或其他個人興趣愛好等。如擔心約會時找不到話題，赴會前最好先翻翻報紙。

　　與異性初約會時，最好避免談及任何容易引起情緒激動的話題，例如太恐怖、太煽情，或令人厭惡的內容，又或表示自己只支持或譴責甚麼等。比如，你想聊有關中國的事，可聊一些正面和不太敏感的話題，談談中國太空科技發展，避免談及中國人權；可以分享廣州機場有多先進，而不要討論釣魚台的問題。

　　如果想和對方談電影，聊聊為人熟悉的《蝙蝠俠》系列，好過較冷門的《舒特拉的名單》。如想討論剛結束的倫敦奧運，集中聊聊賽事和運動員的表現，不要告訴對方你認為那個裁判不公正等。

2、所有正面話題

　　俗語說：「若非你想不到甚麼好的說話，就甚麼都不要說。」大家要記住，正能量所帶來的好處。正能量會令人留下好印象，反之亦然。負面的態度，會令雙方關係惡化，帶著怨恨和憤世嫉俗的人會令人反感。

　　如果你經常將「我討厭怎樣」、「我不喜歡怎樣」掛在口邊，便會增加你負能量。同樣道理，常說「算罷啦，一定無我份」或者「咪預我」，會令你和其他人形成隔膜，令人卻步。

　　如果你說得溫和一點，例如「對我來說，我會比較喜歡另一種……」，或「我自己喜歡甚麼甚麼多點」，其實你都是表達同一意思，但就給人較溫和有禮的感覺。

冷場「殺手」

　　要持續一段對話，就和球賽將球踢來踢去的道理一樣。對方問你問題，你只以幾個字回應，相信雙方很快就沒話可說。例如，對方問你喜不喜歡北京或你的工作時，你只答「喜歡/不喜歡」、「是/否」的話，相信對方要花很多氣力才能應對。

　　不想對方尷尬或出現冷場，回答後可加以補充，拓展話題，例如：「我不太喜歡北京，因為交通擁擠問題嚴重，但這是一個具吸引力的城市。」雖然你的回應有一點負面，但也有一些正面的評價，這樣可以中和前面的負面評論，又不失自己想表達的意思。

　　又比如，吃咖喱雞時，對方問你覺得味道如何，你不妨說：「咖喱雞味道很好，有很濃烈的咖喱味，但又不會太辣，你要不要試試？」回應對方之餘，又可趁此時分享食物，令大家的關係更親近。

　　對方問你喜不喜歡現時的工作，不妨說：「我當然喜歡我的工作，雖然工時有點長，但工作有趣又有挑戰性，那你的工作又如何呢？」同樣的問題也可以轉問對方，表示你對對方感興趣。

　　以「拋波」的形式聊天，便可以有很多話題與對方分享。

反對別人也可以很有趣

　　保持正面的態度並不表示你要完全同意對方的觀點和意見。適當時你也可以加上自己的觀點和看法。反對別人時都可以很有趣、具教育意義和給人耳目一新的感覺，而不一定是好戰的表現。

　　孔子在2500年前已說過：「君子和而不同，小人同而不和。」即是指真正的和諧是建基於不同意見之上。

　　希望各位能掌握以上技巧，與異性約會時更順利，給對方留下好印象！

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

What To Talk About On A Date? (2)

　　Dreams come from broadening your horizon and rubbing elbows with different people, and the best form of “rubbing” would be communication. You cannot build a relation-ship without communication, therefore regardless whether you glide or stumble, swim or sink, one’s got to do what one’s got to do.

　　So what exactly should one talk about when going on a date ? The two best kinds of topics would be: (A) Common Knowledge, light and neutral. (B) Anything Positive.

(A)Common Knowledge – Light & Neutral

　　The perfect place to start would be something light and neutral that everybody knows about. For instance, current affairs, travelling tales, local events, newspaper headlines,  recreation topics i.e. concerts, movies, theatres, restaurants, exhibitions, festivals, sports events… books you have read, charities you are involved in,  hobbies and interests… In case of doubt, flip through the newspapers before you go on a date !

　　Do not dwell on topics which might elicit strong sentiments of any sort, neither fear nor tear, neither abhorrence, staunch support nor fierce condemnation…at least not in the early stages of a relationship. If you want to talk about China, choose rocket science over human rights; choose Guangzhou airport over Diaoyu Island…If you want to talk about movies, choose Batman over Schindler’s List…If you want to talk about the Olympics, focus on the games & the athletes and stay away from whom you perceive to be the “bent” umpire…

(B)Anything Positive –

　　An ancient wisdom says “ If you cannot think of anything good to say, say nothing”.  One cannot over-emphasize the significance of being positive –  Positive energy garners positive impressions, and absolutely vice versa. A sure way to nip a relationship in the bud is to be negative. There is nothing more objectionable than a person who spews venom and disgorges anger in his conversations.

　　“I hate it!”, or “It makes me sick!”..are strong, venomous  assertions which carry heavy negative vibes. Likewise,” Forget it! Not for me! “or “ No way… Count me out!”  are statements which build barriers, instead of getting closer, the other person backs off. Alternative expressions work much better: “Personally, I prefer the other one…”, or “I actually like those better…” You are still saying exactly the same things, just a lot more euphemistic.

Conversation Killers

　　A conversation is like a ball game, it has to flow back and forth. Answers in single syllabus are absolute killers. “Do you like Beijing?”, “No.” – “How is your chicken curry?” , “ Good”. “ Do you enjoy your job?” , “ Yes”… It will take Herculean effort to get this conversation going. Instead, try to elaborate. “No, I don’t like Beijing very much because the traffic is horrendous, but apart from that, it is actually quite a fascinating city…” (You’ve said something negative; now try saying something positive to soften your statement).

　　“Yes, the chicken curry is delicious, it has a strong curry flavor and yet isn’t too spicy, would you like some?” In offering him some, you stretch out a hand of friendship…

　　Or, “Oh yes, I love my job, the hours are a bit long, but what I do is challenging and interesting … how about yours?” By asking him about his job, you offer him a chance to talk, you show interest.

　　This way, you keep the conversation going.

Disagreement

　　By being positive, it doesn’t mean you have to agree with your date on all points. You are certainly entitled to your own opinion as long as you remember him likewise. Disagreement does not have to be righteous or belligerent; disagreement can also be fun, educational and refreshing.

　　Confucius argued 2500 yrs ago that harmony arises when there is disagreement & diversity of opinion. “The noble man is harmonious but he disagrees. The small man agrees & yet is disharmonious.”